Home Abegunde Damola Books INTROVERTS & NETWORKING – Pst. Ife ADETONA



Many introverts like myself face daily bullying from friends, associates, pastors, bloggers, motivational speakers etc. Today alone, I have seen two Christian leaders write- “since you stay indoors all day, how will you get a husband”. I believe this post on Introverts & Networking will help every introvert out there.

First, since NETWORKING is a computer term, let’s start from there. Networking refers to a group of computers connected to a single server. If extroverts are networking computers, then, an introvert is a server to which others are connected. A server is the rally point of other networking computers.

In a cyber cafe, other systems are readily accessible to the public but the server is kept in a corner with a cooling fan and an expert seated by it. If the server is down, all the networking computers would be stranded.

I know that as an introvert, you are concerned about your nature. You wish you could jump on people and every association like that extrovert friend of yours even though their behaviour irks you at times. Instead of that, why don’t you just be a SERVER?

Your nature allows you to be calm, cool and collected. You have an interest in reading, brainstorming, thinking, writing, poetry, research and a host of artistic and creative works. Why not pursue being a good rally point (server)?

First. ADD value to yourself and spread that aroma of value around you. People would come.

I was not the most popular student in my class but I was the most prominent when it comes to exams. It is not a mistake that I read about 1,500-page book in a few days or that my team and I published up to 30 books in 2021 and 31 books in 2022. It was my introvertism that allows it. We can decide to write 20 more before this year ends. Everyone on the team is an introvert. We have the focus an extrovert doesn’t have.

I am not outgoing so, I can conserve my time. People see what I have to offer and rally around me. All I did was channel my “aloneliness” to productivity and not Korean movies.


whenever people come bullying you for being an indoor person, and it gets into you, you may want to ask yourself again: “why do I need more friends?”

Pastors would say- “you stay indoors all day, how will you get a husband?” I remember a mother once called me to talk to her daughter to start going out. She wanted her to change job by all means because she also works from home.

I told the sister: “your mum wanted you going out to work in hope that you would at least see a man”. If she had to go out because of one man, I believe she could as well meet that man “without going out”. In short, she is happily married today. And she didn’t change her job.

A young pastor jump on all friendships in search of connections and platforms to minister. That was his vision. As for me, my goal & focus is to make impart. I don’t need connections with the big names to impart people. So, I created a WhatsApp group and stayed consistently ministering there. Today, we run 246 groups with thousands of active members weekly. You can tell if channelling the energy in my nature pays.

There are men who struggled to send their children to an expensive school all in search of association with the children of the rich. It worked for some, but it didn’t work for some.

So, you really have to re-examine the reasons you want more associations and friendships. Check if it runs with your VALUES or not.

My mother-in-law told my wife to attend parties so she could have people come to her wedding ceremony. Well, maybe it worked for my mother-in-law but my wife didn’t need such to make people attend her wedding. She only invested in her VALUES and people came.

THIRD, Be where you ought to be

I know you feel good at being at home but there are places you really have to be, go there. Go to that service, that fellowship meeting, that seminar, that summit. It doesn’t matter if you leave as soon as the grace is shared especially when you dont have something picking after the programme.

Meanwhile, join that unit. Volunteer for that committee. Be at that surprise birthday of a good associate. You shouldn’t miss that close-call wedding party. You know you can make out time for that important person, be there. And Yes, you will meet people there. It will improve your social skills and boost your self-esteem. I know you’re not trying to look for a wife or seek attention. You’re just giving voice to every of your potential by volunteering and living your life to the fullest.

FOURTH, first impression, they say lasts longer.

Wear a good smile even though you won’t talk much. You don’t like ‘notice me’ but if you find yourself talking to a stranger, be friendly. Leave that lasting impression on people even though you won’t meet them again.

The other time, I was ministering at a place, and Pastor Damsam found me chatting with the song minister. He asked if I knew him anywhere before then. I told him- “that is sanguine for you”. They are wonderful people. He nearly asked for my house address. And I did respond well to him.

Also, attempt to be the first to say Hello to people your mind agrees with. It does feel good. Give it a try. You don’t have to act it, just be natural. You are good enough to hold a short friendly conversation, isn’t it?

Number Five. Quality VS Quantity Friendship

There is an adage- “those who have a lot of baggage also have a lot of dirt”. The truth is that most sanguines have quantity association as opposed to quality association. As an introvert, since you don’t have the energy to keep up with a lot of friends, a few quality friendship is all you need. I can tell of a lot of people who had offered to collect my contact but never called me and I never called. Left to me, I won’t collect a contact I won’t need.

I keep only two kinds of friends- those that need me and those that I need. Those that need me should pay the price of following me up. The day I didn’t see a good follower who has been following me up, I’ll look for them.

If I need a person, it means there must be a connecting factor- school, work, projects, tasks etc. It may be for a period of time or at regular intervals. And in rare cases, almost a lifetime. Once the link is off, we keep a safe distance. What do I mean? I had a good friend at school. He was good in courses which I was not. But from the time we graduated, we weren’t as close again. Why not? No task is binding us. If I have close minister friends but as we grow, our values change, we may not be as close as before but maintain a safe distance. Why? “Values have changed”.


There is no one I was ever a friend to or relate with that I can’t call up at any moment for a need or whatever. They can do the same with me. If any of such persons call me by Christmas, I will talk to them very cheerfully even though we may not talk again until the next Christmas but that few minutes on phone would be hearty. If they need me, I do be there for them in my capacity.

I remember my very good friend at school. When I needed an editor, I called him. He spent almost a week at my house. There was a contract and I felt he was the best man, so I called him. We don’t need to be kicking all over the place like kids. Some enjoy that, but I don’t. Whenever needs prop up, we can always hook up.


– Many keep friends for ‘we don’t know what we may need who for’. That’s an excuse for wasting your time and other people’s time.

I tell you what rather, invest that time:
*If you ADD value to your life.
*If you are nice and friendly to every stranger you meet even if it’s only once you ever met.
*If you exit relationships on a good note.
*If you ever need a person or a thing badly and God is with you, you will get it.

Disclaimer- this post was not aimed at talking down on extroverts and sanguines. You guys are wonderful people. You are the honey of this world. Bring out the positive part of your emotions and dump the negatives.



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