STRUGGLES_OF_HUSBANDS

Ife Adetona
©June, 20, 2021

TIME :
Ask any serious man, he is always accused by his wife that he doesn’t have time for her. Most especially when the man doesn’t work from home. Even those that work from home receive the same accusation. The man is left to wonder that “if he doesn’t make money, is it not the wife that will first complain?”

A. Guilty as charged
Men are guilty of not spending quantity time with their family. I learnt from Brian Tracy that the time a man spends at work is measured in quality but the time spent at home should be measured in quantity. This, I found very difficult to understand and I am yet to fully get it but I’m improving.

Three activities matter to a man: working, meaningful discussion, a little leisure spent on hobbies or the kind of fun he loves. And so, a man is pissed with just sitting with his wife looking at each other’s eyes or chatting away thus, he picks his phone to scroll the internet.

B. Your wife is not a pet.
You rub the head of a pet dog on your way out in the morning. When you arrive, it waggles its tail at you and you briefly caress it. You give it food and anytime you are free, you do it favour of spending a little time with it. You make it sit and watch you read the newspaper on your rocking chair. You do all these to a pet and it will love you. Do that for your wife, she will bite you.

She’s your companion, she wants you to talk or listen to her talk. She wants you in her own time, not just at your own time.

C. Stop asking
What have I gained with this time? Or how much has it put in my pocket? Stop saying, “I would know how much have made if I spend the same time at my shop”. You gain a lot when you gist with your wife or partner. You gain her heart. You make her joyful and proud. Do that and watch her turned into an angel, unlike the witch you had believed she was.
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C. When accused .
Probably, the time a man is accused of ignoring her wife or partner is the most painful because of course, most of what he does is for her sake. However, that is the time you need to take a deep breath and apologize then try to make up. Don’t give excuses. Don’t say: “should I leave my work ni?” Don’t say, “won’t I rest after a very busy day?” Please, don’t ever say that you expected her to be understanding. Any wife who claims she’s understanding is faking and enduring it. That moment she’s accusing you is her breaking point, ignore her and she will be depressed. Behind her fierce anger and accusation is a cool-headed motherly hearted woman. Dissolve the shell with soft words and you will see that the food that will await you in the evening will be amazingly good.

D. Make the little time count.
Check on her every time you’re at work.Drop SMS or chat. Gist even when you are away. Eulogize her on your social media status. Always comment on the food before she asked if you enjoyed it. Comment even before you commence eating. Say, thank you for the food. Also, after sex, thank her.

E. Listen to her all the time you’re listening.
Listening halfway while working or busy with your phone is as good as ignoring her. Even if she disturbs your work, listen to her and it would worth it. If my wife interrupts my work and I ignore her, I usually lose concentration and feel guilty but when I listen attentively, she does free me after few minutes and I enjoy the other part of the work. The truth is, the busier and engaged you are, the more she loves and misses you. The idler you are, the more she’s bored around you. So, after a long day, create her own time and give it to her. Never allow her to get used to talking to outsiders. Be her best friend. Give her a listening ear. Any wife or fiancee that has any other best friend is not enjoying the marriage or relationship.
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F. Public Holidays
Public holidays often come as gifts to the civil servants. You can’t be busy all the time. There are certain days and hours you are less busy. That time often comes after a long hard-working time. In that period, let her enjoy you. Keep your phone away and do things together. Do this not just because of her but because of yourself.

G. Get her busy not with house chores.
You will never enjoy the best of your wife until she doesn’t have to do the house chores or cook fresh meals every day. Three house chores my wife doesn’t do: washing/ironing of clothes, washing of plates & sweeping. I hope to continue shrinking her house chores until she has almost nothing left. This is not expensive to achieve, just make a move. Lend her a helping hand and stay around the kitchen sometimes when she cooks. As you become more comfortable, get the work reduced. Let her get busy with purpose-driven activities and imparts. You will realize that the accusation of “not enough time” will drop from 100 to 10 immediately. Wives that stays at home all day, complain the most. Especially if she does nothing except house chores. My apology.

2. SEX
   Sex is the second area a man struggles with the most.
   The problem associated with sex varies from family to family. To a man, it is that his wife doesn’t like sex while he loves it, to another, the wife likes sex but he doesn’t like it. And to another, he is fed up that he is unable to satisfy his wife most of the time or even all the time. Many women had never reached orgasm all their lives despite spending years in the marriage. To another, his wife doesn’t add icing to the sex to make it more enjoyable. The most healthy sex life in marriage is at least every other day or 3-4 times a week.

These struggles are real and heart borne. Meet with a counsellor, most especially a sex therapist as a couple or go to YouTube. You will learn a lot from how to last long to giving your wife an orgasm. Please, don’t take drugs and do not watch pornography. Porns doesn’t teach sex, it only acts what sex is not. And please, you have no business researching sex if you are not married.

But wait o. Why does it seem like this piece is meant for mother’s day? Actually, when men learn this, they have more rest of mind and leave longer.

Happy Babas day